I can’t deal with all this stress, impossible situation : problemgambling

Hello everyone!

I know some of you have probably seen some of my posts here before. My story continues.

For those who don’t know: I’m 22 years old, I live in EU (Hungary) with my parents, both of them are sick (father had a stroke a long time ago, my mom has cancer) In the past I lied to a lot of people and got in huge debt because of my addiction.

My mom eventually found out about all my debt, and thankfully she’s still alive and we talked about the whole situation and cried a lot, it’s really difficult. Not going to be an easy journey, we are even going to go to therapy together, it’s going to take about 2,5 years to pay back all my debt, and I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for causing so much pain to my mom. I am still in constant stress and the anxiety I’m feeling is getting worse, because even tho my mom is taking care of my finances now (I gave my bank-card to her and everything, I’m not able to gamble anymore, she even looked some things up and I had to sign a document so I’m not allowed to gamble anywhere in real life or online), I still owe money to one of my relatives and a colleauge, and it’s phisically not possible for me to pay them back. I feel like I’m going insane. If I lose my job we won’t have enough money to survive, I really don’t want to lose my job, but my colleauge is threatening me like saying he’s going to go to the police if I won’t pay his money back very soon.

I know I was an idiot, and now I realized money is not as important as spending time with my loved ones or doing something fun, because that makes life enjoyable, and not gambling. I made a lot of mistakes, but I’m still young and I’m hoping we can survive this difficult journey together with my mom, I love her. I’m in tears, I don’t know what to do, or what to tell to my colleauge, I literally can’t get money from anywhere to pay him back, it’s impossible. What do I do now? My relative is a bit more understanding but I’m also not sure how I’m going to pay him back, if I can’t even pay my colleauge to not lose my job. Sorry for cursing but what the fuck am I supposed to do, I don’t want to be homeless, I don’t want my mom to die because of all this stress and her sickness.

Someone please tell me what to do I don’t have any idea. I am not even asking for a loan anymore, not like I ever got any here, also most people think my story is not real anyway, but I literally have no idea where to ask for help, what am I supposed to do? I couldn’t even pay back anything now, only a donation could help me, I am doing everyhting I can now to make things right, but this stupid money is ruining my life. Unfortunately I can’t go back in time. I am not religious but God please help me!

Please try to imagine being in my shoes.

Thanks for reading my story 🙁

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