So I’m a problem gambler and have been ever since I put my first coin in the roulette machine nigh on 15 years ago. If you don’t know what defines a problem gambler Google it.
I have always dipped in and out of gambling. I would have a short stint of being up and down up and down up and down until I’d exhausted all options, hit rock bottom and reality kicked in. I would then stop for sometime and would get to a point where I thought I had a hold on it only to dive back in harder than the last time and losing all I had again. Which correlatively became more and more the older I got and the better jobs I had etc.
My last bet prior to last week was July 2018. That last stint I lost more than all of the previous times. I decided to get help that time as I had a young family now and a lot more to lose than just money. I went to therapy and started going to gamblers anonymous meetings. It helped massively. I hadn’t thought about gambling for a long time. I had no desire to make a bet. No way could I see myself in a bookies feeding money into the machines again. It just didn’t feel like an issue anymore.
Then last week happened.
I overheard a customer talking about wsb and gme etc. I had heard snippets about it over the last few months so decided to take a look into it myself. It got me hook line and sinker. 1 minute I’m reading about rockets to the moon and apes with diamond hands the next I’m signing up to brokers and ploughing everything in my account into shares I’d never even heard of when the market wasn’t even open. I had no idea what trading was about. Still don’t.
Next day im glued to my phone constantly. All the old feelings I got when gambling came rushing back only a hundred times harder. Only other problem gamblers will understand the buzz it gives. What a buzz but such a shit cheap (not literally at all) thrill of one eh. I was looking at myself in third person and I was in the cloud of gambling again. But the trouble with being a problem gambler is your gambling self pays no attention to your sensible self and will keep going until they have nothing left. Within a couple of days I was transferring money from a business loan account into the brokers buying more shares and watching the screen go green to red to green to red to green. Then red. And red. And now here I am at a massive loss with that same old feeling of despair feeling like a proper mug again. I’m just grateful that the dip happened when it did and I didn’t have a chance to plough even more into it.
I’ve seen a lot of posts saying “it’s not a loss until you sell.” Bollocks. To a problem gambler it’s a loss as soon as you part with the money cos you’ll be there until the bitter end. This was never trading this was always a gamble. And if you gamble the house always wins. Simple. I am still checking my trading account as we speak waiting for my ticket to the moon. Would I cash in if I broke even? Let’s be honest, no. I’ll keep going waiting for the rise. And when it gets to the moon? You guessed it I’ll carry on. Such is the way of the problem gambler.
I’ll be getting to a ga meeting as soon as I can and if any of this rings true to you I suggest you do the same. There is help out there. Take it. Don’t kid yourself you can do it on your own cos before you know you’ll be back where we both know you’ve been before.
But you knew all this already right 🙂