In actuality, I act impulsively and let my emotions cloud my judgment. I could not prevent myself from losing because I could not see my true self.
Saving all these years by being frugal and penny-pinching only to throw it away gambling. And for what? I have nothing to show for it – except for the bags under my eyes from all the restless nights.
Now just looking at my bank balance makes me feel physically ill. Thinking of what was. How I could have used that money. Receiving bills and spending money causes me anxiety. I keep having dreams of gambling, of seeing others around me win money. I know better now not to pursue them.
I am making a conscious effort to put this all behind me. These past experiences have forever been burned into my mind. I am never going to make the same mistakes again.
This all is a bit dramatic but turning these mixed thoughts into coherent sentences eases my mind. Thank you for everyone in this community sharing your stories. Seeing that I’m not alone has helped me push through this.